Grateful in the Moment

I think back to my school daze sometimes. Not so much about the person I was then as much the person I thought I would be now. Its interesting to measure the steps of time against your vision, and see if the two overlap. How far have you moved from that naive, hopeful, invincible, and stupid You that you left in your childhood? For me, I have the mixed sense of loss & gain, the coulda, shoulda, woulda of mild regret, and in the end settle on happiness. Nothing is missing from my today. It is the result of days lived in the rhythm.

It comes down to this: appreciate life. There are a million things that can tear you down by the instant. Every day brings another opportunity to worry about something, and many times, we just can't see the forest for the trees. Traffic, gas prices, the mess your kid just made, bills, more bills, and insufficient sleep - and that's just your morning. It does get to you; and before long the wave of concerns builds momentum toward the shore and becomes a tsunami.

I try to bring a halt to the surge early. Nip it in the bud when it's still just a ripple. I don't take any enjoyment in the daily travails, but I do take pleasure in their meaning. I don't like traffic or gas, but I am grateful to have a job, and a car. I don't like bills, but it means I have a safe home, clean clothes, and warm food. I don't like cleaning my son's mess, but I love the warm glow of his smile. Perspective. It's all about perspective.

Granted, these moments are fleeting. Somebody inevitably cuts you off, and your back to the rushing tide. That's why it's so important to cherish these moments, and bring yourself back to them as much as possible. Otherwise your moments are filled with frustration and regret, and that's not very fun at all.

That Special Somebody

I remember the first time my heart got broken. Seventeen years old, walking the perilous line between naïveté and a little less naïveté. She was just a year older, but had the taste of a more vintage grape juice lingering on her lips. I was so certain of our high school romance, that I traveled all the way from the Bronx to Boston to visit her in Martha's Vineyard where she was working for the summer. Yet, something in the clean, salt-water air of the quaint island town had soured her on us, and I went back to NYC much sooner than I had planned.

When I got back to the city, I decided to go to my buddy's house rather than home. He had the attic all to himself, so there was plenty of room for me to crash, and wallow in self-pity. I suffered for days, but managed to put on a good show for the boys - toasting 40 ounce malt liquor to celebrate my return to bachelorhood. I was, according to the consensus, too young and too cool to be in love. What did they know?

Now it's not exactly the same, but that's the sensation that comes to mind when I listen to Barak Obama. I get the intellectual equivalent of butterflies in my stomache and begin to daydream those "this is the one" fantasies all over again. Despite my general idealism, I am utterly apathetic when it comes to politics and government, so it's no small feat to have me falling head over heals.

I want to believe, I truly do. I want let myself go, and give in to the allure of hope, but I am scared. I don't want to be disappointed. I don't want to wake-up one morning and realize that he is just like all the rest: a liar, a crony, an idiot with clean packaging and a good campaign strategy. I need to know that he is the real thing.

Then again, how noble can someone really be in politics? It is the very nature of the beast which forces one to compromise their principles, to make strange bedfellows, and to ultimately be corrupted by the trappings of power. I've never know a politician to do no harm - they all do something unethical, illegal, or just plain stupid.

After a while I ask myself: do I expect or even need Barack Obama to be perfect? No I don't. All I really need in a President is a person who brings the same character and honor to the Oval Office that they bring to their own home. Treat America as if it were your family. Don't cheat on your wife, don't miss your kids birthdays, and do everything in your power to make sure they are healthy, educated, and well fed. I don't think that is too much to ask.

I am counting on you, Barack. Make me a believer.