Grateful in the Moment

I think back to my school daze sometimes. Not so much about the person I was then as much the person I thought I would be now. Its interesting to measure the steps of time against your vision, and see if the two overlap. How far have you moved from that naive, hopeful, invincible, and stupid You that you left in your childhood? For me, I have the mixed sense of loss & gain, the coulda, shoulda, woulda of mild regret, and in the end settle on happiness. Nothing is missing from my today. It is the result of days lived in the rhythm.

It comes down to this: appreciate life. There are a million things that can tear you down by the instant. Every day brings another opportunity to worry about something, and many times, we just can't see the forest for the trees. Traffic, gas prices, the mess your kid just made, bills, more bills, and insufficient sleep - and that's just your morning. It does get to you; and before long the wave of concerns builds momentum toward the shore and becomes a tsunami.

I try to bring a halt to the surge early. Nip it in the bud when it's still just a ripple. I don't take any enjoyment in the daily travails, but I do take pleasure in their meaning. I don't like traffic or gas, but I am grateful to have a job, and a car. I don't like bills, but it means I have a safe home, clean clothes, and warm food. I don't like cleaning my son's mess, but I love the warm glow of his smile. Perspective. It's all about perspective.

Granted, these moments are fleeting. Somebody inevitably cuts you off, and your back to the rushing tide. That's why it's so important to cherish these moments, and bring yourself back to them as much as possible. Otherwise your moments are filled with frustration and regret, and that's not very fun at all.

Becoming

I am becoming again. For many years, I just was, but something has awakened that metamorphosis again. I was hibernating in the midst of Life, waiting out the days of an endless winter. This was a fate of my own making. No oppressor, no corporate machine treading on my independence, just my own apathy and discontent slowly molding into a dull rubbery glaze. That was then.

Growth is the definition and essence of life. Like blades of grass pushing through cracks in cement, life has a way of asserting itself. I don't know what provokes it, why it abruptly rises from the crowd of time and demands recognition. I suspect there is purpose in it. For these moments of enlightenment seem far too measured to be left to chance. The cup from which we drink, and the substance therein, seem a divine treasure meant for us alone. Yet, I am again so new in understanding. I am just now becoming.

For what it's worth, I am comforted by the belief that my slumber was not too delayed. That I did not sleep through more of the tender passing of seasons than I was meant to. I am the hidden seed. Though I have laid dormant in a field of dry soil, I still am. Light and provision has brought forth my time of harvest, and I am again becoming.

Behold

All for you

I’m really giddy about the potential of this newfound maturity I’ve been nurturing, and have decided to share a few more anecdotal tales from my life. I’ll admit, part of it is ego - I mean who wouldn’t want access to the daily journal of my existence, but there’s more to it than that. This is good stuff, and I’m betting there will be a few nuggets of wisdom for you, the reader, to benefit from. And if not - humor me.

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originally posted on FaceBook - February 2, 2008

Oops!

I’ll be turning 32 in a few months, and I feel like I am just starting to understand my life. For some reason I thought this would happen a lot sooner, but I’ll take it when I can get it. It’s all starting to make sense. I tend to have a more honest response to the what, why, and how questions of life, and sometimes the answer is simply: ‘I was wrong’.

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originally posted on Facebook - January 28, 2008